My take on Ali (spoilers ahead!): Three Strikes

We've all heard by now that possibly Ali chooses no one. I'm here to say good for her: I get her, I really do.

First we have the Bachelor, and that bitch Vienna. They sure didn't get along, and it didn't make Ali's time on the Bachelor any more fun for her. Then she made that fateful decision to return to work.

Hell, she knew Jake knew all the bad things about Vienna, but was keeping her anyway. To Ali, no doubt, that meant Jake was attached to V. So why stick around and watch it play out, if you're going to lose what is probably a very neat job?

She didn't. She bailed.

What comes next is pure guesswork. Did she really want to go back to Jake? Was it a Fleiss-ism? Who knows, really? But he turned her down, in any case. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, let's say she DID want to go back to him. He says no.

Strike One.

She agrees to become the Bachelorette. For what reason, I'm not sure. Let's again give her the benefit of the doubt, and say she is in it to find herself a man. I can buy that.

She is immediately attracted to Frank, in a big way. Justin gets the bad boy edit, meanwhile. And she's told about Justin by numerous guys, you can bet. But muchly like Jake keeping Vienna in spite of all he heard from the other girls, Ali has found something she likes in Ratboy Justin.

Enough of a something to keep him on the show, in spite of what she's heard. Mind you, he's cute and he's fucking slick, he really is. =I= might have fallen for his BS, and hello, I'm gay. LOL

I say Ali has fallen for him, a bit or a lot, I'm not sure (and neither is anybody else.) What we all DO know (Thanks, Steve) is that Ratboy Justin has not one, but TWO women waiting on him to get out of that house. TWO women, mind you. Neither of whom knew about the other, but both of whom knew about Ali. (Dummies, to let your man go on the Bachelorette show. Pure dummies. But that's another story.)

One of these women gets in contact with Ali via another woman she slightly knows (I think she knew her.) And... things go BOOM in Turkey. Ali learns that Ratboy has two other women, one of which is crying on the phone with her.

Ali literally chases his ass off the show (I can't WAIT to see that!!) and there's an end to Ratboy 1.

Strike 2.

Finally, in a date on Tahiti (as I understand it,) Ratboy 2, Frank, pulls the rug out from under Ali yet AGAIN. He has a girlfriend he loves and misses. Now this one really hurts her. She was really into Frank, where she was probably only bad boy into Justin. She clicked with Frank from that first date under the Hollywood sign. Really clicked with him. No matter that most of US think he's an ugly geek, Ali had the ferocious hots for him.

And who knows? She may well have that the ugly, quirky geek was her safest bet not to have her heart broken. After all, you can BELIEVE Justin has two other women chasing him. But FRANK? It's a stretch for ONE other woman to be chasing his ugly ass, if you ask me. But it happens, he ditches her...

Strike Three.

She's out. Of love, that is. She was into Jake: he didn't take her back. Ratboy Justin had a flock of women waiting to call her. Ratboy 2, Frank, had some ex lover he wanted to get back with. So =he= ditched her, too.

If it was you, how much trust would you have in men, right about now? That's THREE strikes. Three legitimate strikes, inside one year. I'd say she has a wall up around her heart that NO ONE is going to get past, for years, if then. I truly feel sorry for her.

Why should she believe Chris L. or Roberto, when they profess to love her (if they do?) She just had three strikes. Even the ugly geek dumped her, bless her heart. So I can see her withdrawing into her shell, and picking no one. Can't you, really? She was terrified BEFORE that someone wasn't going to love her back. She obviously has a not good history with men. But NOW? No way. No way is she going to trust somebody in so brief a time, and being jerked all over the planet into the bargain.

We all know that strenuous travel is THE ideal way to fall in love. All those passport lines are so romantic (especially in a place like Turkey. Could they have found any more odd places to drag her? Iceland and TURKEY?) I used to live in Iran. They're not big on blondes in that neck of the woods.

When it comes down to it, likely she's exhausted from all the travel, the stress of meeting various families (and who knows what happens on THOSE dates? Families can be so charming - NOT. So that's more stress for her.

And finally, all this stress and the three strikes leads her to be standing in some beautiful spot with a single rose. Waiting to be proposed to. Or allowing the dude to propose.

What if she lets Chris go, and Roberto, in Strike Four, simply will NOT propose? Can you imagine? It would make her feel she was right all along, he's too hot for her. (News flash: he ain't ALL THAT.)

What if somehow he DOES propose? After three strikes like that, what would YOU do? I'd tell him I need time, badly. That I'm exhausted from all the travel and the BS (might not put it like that, but you get the idea.) Then I'd tell I'm gay and to stick the rose.

No, that's another show entirely. On our show, I'd say I need TIME. And lots of it. That's if I haven't completely lost faith in mankind at this point. I'd say if you can wait a while, we'll see what happens when we get back to our normal lives.

If she had BALLS, she'd say this to Chris L too. Tell him she's not giving out a rose, she needs more time with BOTH men. (Who knows? Her contract may not let her do this. But knowing Ali, she could find a way.)

So there you have it. She could: Pick neither (and be totally justified, 3 strikes later) Pick both (and ask for time) or just pick Roberto, and beg for time. What do I think she's going to do?

Those three strikes are pretty damning. Along with a trip around the world to totally wear her out.

I think she's going to pick nobody. At most, she'll dangle Roberto off the end of the Lets be Friends and See Where It Goes chain.

But that's just me. What do YOU guys think?

Spoilers ahead - the rats abound

Before I start with tonight's ep, let me say this: the rats abound, on poor Ali's season. No wonder she's afraid of love. That woman's instinct is NOT failing her. She realizes some aren't there for the right season. Too bad she didn't listen to the other guys, about Justin. And too bad his girlfriend didn't call in sooner. According to Steve, that was set up. I don't know about that of course. I do know it would be better for Ali if BOTH rats had come forward much, much sooner.

No wonder she didn't pick anyone, if she really didn't. She's scared shitless of being hurt, and look what happens to her. Not once, but TWICE during her season.

I started this not liking her, for how she treated that other girl, but I'm ending up feeling just sorry for her.

On with the ep!

Kasey is sure Iceland is the place to share that ridiculous tattoo. Here's a clue: if you want a woman, do NOT have a tattoo of a heart and symbols of eleven other guys on your wrist. LMAO it's so idiotic. The only worse thing he could have done, is put that shield on his cock. Can you imagine? hehehehheh "This is to shield the most important part of me, which will belong to you." No, I didn't go there... I didn't say anything about needles (but I'm thinking it roflol!)

Let's count the times she says My biggest concern is will he love me back. One right away at the beginning of the ep, as we see the gorgeous scenery in Iceland. The first thing the guys have to do, in one hour, is write a love poem to Ali. Icelandic language gets extra points. Justin has no luck finding someone to translate for him. No one else has trouble.

Kirk's poem blows her away. Truthfully, it WAS the best. And he DID walk right up to her and say it. Craig R was at least funny. Kasey was a dud, no one understood him. Yet he's sure, positive, he's getting that rose. The next few poems are dreadful, only way to put it.

The worst is yet to come. Chris didn't even remember his lines. His was pathetic. Kirk's blew everyone away. Well done to him! It was evident she was gonna pick him. Even Frank liked it and he was sure he was the best. His wasn't bad, but Kirk's rocked.

Kirk is a cutie, and I don't get why he doesn't make it much much further, but we know he doesn't. He might HAVE had it not been for the rats, Frank and Justin. I hear next week we find out about rat 1: Justin. This rips Ali to shreds, and I feel dreadful for her. She's pissed on the previews, but she picked him over someone else on the two on one; she has to be kicking herself. They should bring Tattoo Idiot back. He was better than a rat.

Kirk and Ali have a really neat date in Reykavic (excuse the spelling, no doubt.) They laugh and carry on in the sweater shop, and wind up in the same damn sweater lol. He finally tells her about the dreaded mold, after she KNEW he was holding something back. She's a bright chick. She knew something was there. Why didn't she see thru Justin and Frank?

Back at the ranch, we find out that Justin and Kasey are going on the two on one. Arch enemies, you know THIS will be interesting. You also realize she's gonna see that tattoo, and that's going to be the end of Kasey. Hell, I'd have ditched him for less than that (his voice bothers me. Would you want to marry a guy who talks like Donald Duck? I didn't THINK so.) "That's why I got this tattoo. To be someone. To be a man." There's a new one on me. You gotta have a tattoo to be a man? Truthfully, before I decided I was gay, I went out with hundreds of men. Not a one of them had a tattoo. I personally don't LIKE tats, at all. And even less so on women. *Lydia on Big Brother was a fine woman, I'd have done her, except for alllllll those tats she had.

Back to Bach. The group date includes horses, and Ty shines. Even in the cave he rocked it. Of course he got the rose, and well deserved it was, too. He even helped other dudes on the horses, as they made asses of themselves (pun intended lol)

Frank hung out at the back of the pack, not bothering for some reason to go near Ali. She notices it. And calls him on it. At the Blue Lagoon, no less. I loved when Ali strips. She is one more hot female in that bikini. Ali jumps on Frank for hanging back on group dates, and he apologizes. Dummy.

Finally we're to the two on one. Tattoed man says he means what he says, and he'd go thru any pain to be with Ali. Doofus. How could he possibly think a tat would do the deed and turn her on? With those eleven symbols.

And Rat 1 is saying how he wants to be the only one in the copter with Ali. For more screen time, perhaps? For me, he's had enough. I'm glad after next week I don't need to see his rat face anymore.

Meanwhile they're looking at that incredible volcano. I'm envious. It's splendid.

And at the end of the date, sure enough, poor Kasey is standing on the glacier whilst the rat flies off with Ali. There IS no justice. Sure, he's an idiot, but his heart is in the right place (more than I can say for the rat, with his two girlfriends back home. Not even one. TWO. Neither of whom knew about the other. What a scuzzbucket Justin is. And he'll never make it in wrestling. Doofus.

BTW Ali is sort of freaked, when she sees that tattoo. Those eyes go wide. ROFLOL I'd have had to have said "So you think ink is the way to my heart? Th-ink again."

Then it's the cocktail party. Ali reconnects with Rat 2 (Frank.) I feel terrible for her, if I haven't said that before. She keeps saying she's afraid of love, and why the fuck not? Look what she's dealt with. These guys are supposed to be there for HER. You and me, we know it's a Fleiss special. But Ali is hoping to fall in love, and more importantly, BE LOVED. With two strikes against her before the show even ends.

Embarrassing moment of the night: Chris's moment with her at the party. Boy can't even open his mouth, and is stiff as - well, let's just say he's stiff! ;) Their body language is so telling the other guys notice it. This is an ungood thing, and we all know who ain't getting the rose tonight. Too bad. If not for the rats, this cutie could have perhaps stuck around and loosened up some. (Up till now, it's like he has a board up his ass roflol)

Sure enough, Ali has a wee talk with Host Chris, and tells him she's terrified of not being loved. Shit that he is, (He for sure knows about BOTH rats,) he reassures her. Me, I'd have said "Shitcan Justin, there's a good start for you. And next week? Shitcan Frank. Then you're all gold." But noooooooo. "You can't go through this with that fear," the little wimp tells her. Of all the nerve. Knowing what's coming, yet he can say that.

And we wonder why she didn't pick anybody? (If indeed she didn't, Steve isn't sure about that.) We know she thinks Roberto is too good looking. She even told him she wouldn't go up to him in a bar because "he's too hot." Bless her heart, does she think she's chopped liver? Evidently she does. Switch teams, Ali - I'm right here waiting :D

Now comes the RC. We all know what's coming. Who ain't gonna get that rose. This is easy for Ali. (It should be easier. If only she knew what WE know, she'd shitcan a rat.

She says she needs to trust her gut and her instinct. She sure does. Maybe hers ain't working so well?

And the RC itself. Ty Kirk and Justin already have roses. A rat has a rose :( How unfair is that? I have the terrible feeling she's falling for Rat 1 and Rat 2 both.

So, the first rose goes to Rat 2, Frank. Awful. Second rose to Chris L, who she should marry. She really should. Or next bach, maybe? Third rose to Roberto. She could marry HIM too (or next bach?) And it's the final rose. Long faces, as usual. Lawyer looks nervous. He doesn't need to be, as she calls out "Craig."

Poor Chris looks like he's been shot between the eyes. Just in shock. She made a HUGE mistake. Kill a rat first, girlfriend. Listen to the guys in the house.

Chris is shattered, he says. She missed out on a lot she would have learned over time. He says it's tough to lose such a good girl. The worst pain anyone ever wants to experience.

Ali doesn't look happy, and says it's going to get harder. Then she says they're going to Turkey (Where, aptly, she loses a turkey. Imagine THAT.)

And so it goes.

2 Bachelor Eps for the price of one!

So, Ali and Roberto don't fall for each other, but they fall for each other. Makes sense, right?

He is just so very cute. He takes good care of her... except when he made her lean over to kiss him. A manly man woulda leaned over to kiss her. STRIKE 1!

Meanwhile, adorable Chris L finally gets a date. A group date. "Come rock my world." Something to do with a band, I'd have to say. Not the most romantic of dates...

Kasey doesn't get to go. He is upset because it has to do with music and he can't show her his voice. Guys, listen up. If you have a speaking voice as bad as Kasey's, the last damn thing you want to do is sing to her. Bet she guessed THAT one, LOL!

I know this is a shocker, but Roberto gets the rose. Big surprise. The next scenes look like a lot of smooching in a music video. More romantic than I thought.

So the Weatherman discovers he has to, mind you, HAS to kiss Ally in a scene. Bless his little heart, he's nervous. Excitement I'd understand, but he's nervous to kiss her? Give me a break. Beginning to think ole Craig had a point.

Chris L finally tells her about his mom. Major awww scene, except the way it was shot, they were LAUGHING while he was telling her. Bizarre. Did you guys notice that?

Weatherman tries to hook up with her, and she's rescued by someone. Weatherman, after your sour performance, tears and all, during the music video - I bet, somehow, you don't get this group date rose. Or any OTHER rose, lmao! What is she thinking, if she gives this dud a rose? On top of everything else, he's damned SHORT. And I mean SHORT.

Back at the ranch, Hunter learns he has the one on one. Dunno about you, but he's some more weird looking. Looks like he was pasted together out of a few different dudes. (Now I'll learn he was in a car wreck, and had massive face surgery done. Guilt, much?)

Kirk goes for another kiss in the hot tub. "What we had, felt real. What was real, we had." Or something like that. She puts up with the kiss, but I don't think she's into it. He sure is a cutie though. She says she likes his energy, he makes her feel safe.

Meanwhile, methinks Weatherman is in tears again ROFL

Big shock, Kirk gets the rose. Maybe she got into it, once it started. At the beginning of that kiss, she wasn't feelin it.

Justin crutches his way to Ali's place. SPOILER in this next paragraph, skip two paras if you don't want a spoiler.

Man I'd think he was into her, if I didn't know better. What a perfect SHIT this dude is. He's slicker than snail snot on a doorknob, too. I'd totally believe that act if it weren't for Reality Steve.

Hunter got screwed on the dates. He gets to go to Ali's place and dine in. After all these exotic dates... roflol poor Pasto! Uh oh. Ali just said "Something's off." That means, to me, Pasto is off into the wild blue yonder at the end of this date. (and no, I don't remember what RS said about this date!) They sure don't look like they have a connection, but I didn't think Kirk had one either, and HE got a rose.

Back at the ranch, Justin is BSing the boys. They buy it, I bet. After all, he IS slick. Hell, I'd buy it.

Ali is giving the ditch speech, I do believe. She tells Hunter he's amazing, but no rose. Yep, that's what I thought. Good for Ali. He's a dud.

The next section, the guys find out that Justin hopped to Ali's place. They better NOT be upset, just because they were too damn dumb to have thought of it.

At the cocktail party, Justin just keeps gettin slicker. How he pulls all this off, I dunno. He should get an Emmy for this, he really should. Acting, here comes Justin. Hell, why not? He looks great, lies like a dog. What else does he need? LOLOL

Steve *Who is he, anyway? gets points for the picnic, but loses them all when he can't open the damn champagne. Even =I= could do that, and I'm a world-renowned putz.

Meanwhile, Ty has nailed Justin. Good for Ty. Hope he's there for her when it all goes south.

And Frank keeps on moaning. Jesus, does he ever let up?

Another uh oh moment. Roberto learns, via Ali, that Justin walked to her house. The shit will now, officially, hit the fan. Why, I dunno. Like I said before, those other dummies should have thought of doing it. If a dude on CRUTCHES could do it, so could they. Dummies.

Craig R. says he's a bullshit detector, that's what he does for a living. (Now I'm going to have to go check Dreamer's stickies and find out what he does for a living.) He's a lawyer. Duh, I should have figured that out on my own. Believe it or not, Justin actually chokes out a tear or two. He really IS good. He is sitting outside, alone, when Chris comes in to announce the RC, a fact which I'm sure Ali sees. And pities him, as he wishes.

Justin gets what appears to be the last rose. She ditched John C and Steve, who looks sort of like a possum. WTG Ali, but you should have ditched Justin. His walk made all the difference, I'm sure.

Now for Round 2 :)

New York, a makeover, yet they don't get rid of the extensions. Her first date is with Kasey the Fart Guarder, oh I guess that is Heart Guarder.

OMG no he isn't singing. She's laughing, uncomfortably. Terrible voice, even worse than his awful speaking voice. Very cool date, museum. He scares the crap out of her. Might not have been the best idea.

Justin doesn't get a date. Will he get the one on one?

Back to Ali's date with the Snore, he's so boring. Oh Jeez, he's singing again. Wrong idea, dude. She doesn't look impressed with him. She should NOT waste a rose on him. Lordie she just called him a fake and said no rose. I'm liking Ali more every moment. But somehow, she kept his ass, with no rose. Interesting.

The whole thing with the Lion King was cheesy, and of course the producer picks Roberto for the date (he's the only one smart enough to have sung directly to Ali. Off key, but direct.)

Frank is watching in agony, so is Weatherman, as they practice to perform. Weatherman's worst moment is yet to come, when Kirk takes a sick Ali back to her room. He's matching Frank in paranoia, these days. Both of them are SUCH duds, lol. Can't believe she hasn't gotten rid of Weatherman yet. Next RC for sure, he goes, I betcha.

Kirk gets a sick Ali on his birthday, and manages to find chicken soup and flowers for her. They discuss his passed Mom some more, something difficult for him. I feel for him, having been there myself.

Poor Ali looks totally wretched. All these DUMMIES kissing her. No matter how good they look, would you kiss someone THAT sick? Sure as hell I wouldn't, even if it was Ellen (I've got the hots in a bad way for Ellen, LOL!)

Meanwhile back at the suite, Kasey has gone missing. (Methinks he's going to need to visit Dr. Will, after this show airs.)

Chris and Ali end their date with a neat concert. He's really into her, and he's a fine specimen. SPOILER alert, skip to next para. I know he's F2, I hope he's F1! I love Roberto, though, too. Hard choice for her, for sure. But Chris was really decent when she was sick.

OMFG the weatherman is NOT playing the guitar at the cocktail party. Yes he is, and it's rainy skies ahead. He's a miserable singer. And as for this poor shmuck with the tattoo... unreal.

Ty tells the truth when he says Kasey is getting crazier by the minute. 11 stones on the shield, for the 11 guys who are left. Dr. Will, here he comes. LMAO (For those of you who don't watch Big Brother, Dr. Will removes tattoos.)

OMG and then Frank interrupted him showing his tattoo, so he might get the boot and she'll never have seen it. Balless wonder, he should have told Frank "Hold on one minute," and shown her then. Now he deserves to get the boot.

wow, she gave him (supposedly) the last rose. The weatherman got the boot, FINALLY. wooie. Jessie got the boot too, but didn't seem to mind.

All in all, except for Kasey, she's pretty well set up for a trip to Europe - except I fully expect half the dudes to have the creeping crud!

March 9: TAR: Burp that Sauerkraut!!

The cowboys are smart enough to hit a travel agency and get tickets to Germany, first thing. The hats are doing their thing :)
The gay team and one other team misses the train by seconds in Germany. The cops and the cowboys, who had sort of teamed up, make it to Hamburg first. It's dark, it's night.
There is an Intersection. Teams must join with another team to complete the next challenge. The Hats rip into the clue. They call to the Cops, who are wandering around. Teams must go to Hamburg Harbor to complete a 150 foot bungee. Joe and Heidi, Steve and Allie work together. Heidi says they come from a good family. Team Dummy gets set up, and Jordan will do the actual jump. They promptly get on the wrong train, and have to turn around.
Then they're off to the statue of Kaiser Wilhelm for the next clue. Much screaming happening in the bungee, by the way. Dan was WONDERFUL with Brandy. What a wonderful man. She was totally terrified.
I think with these teams pairing up they could be a force to look out for.
Soccer or Sauerkraut is the clue. In Soccer, they have to kick and hit 5 goals. In Sauerkraut, as a band plays, they have to eat a whole plate of the crap before the song ends. If they don't finish, they have to start all over again. I hate the stuff. Wouldn't choose THAT one.

The Cops totally jammed down the Sauerkraut. Didn't leave a piece of it, and finished well before the song ended. EWWWWWWWWW nasty stuff lmao. Don't know HOW they ate it. Ever have the canned stuff? I did, my mom loved it. NASTY lol.

Next is the Haifish Bar. They have to drink a bunch of beer here, to get a clue from the barmaid. The cops are SLUGGING down the beer. One of them says "Nasty. I don't drink beer." I feel his pain. I only ever take a sip if I'm really thirsty.

Joe and Heidi are going to do the soccer. Clothes are all laid out for them. They're not doing a good job. His knee is killing him from the bungee. Reckon he should have thought of that BEFORE picking this particular challenge? Might have to start calling THEM the dummies, after tonight.

Team Dummy goes for sauerkraut, and I feel bad things are in store for them. Steve and Allie kick their goals, and are off for the bar. Joe still can't kick the ball up in the air, with his bad knee. They decide to switch and go eat sauerkraut, after wasting a hell of a lot of time. Jet/Cord and the Hats show up to do some kicking.

The hats aren't kicking badly at all, whilst Team Dummy is in a taxi, hoping they're going the right way. The cops are burping and chugging, on top of all that sauerkraut. Can you say barf scene coming?

The cops finish the beer, and are off to Beatles Platz, where they have to run through the red light district looking for a tiny bar where the Beatles played. Place looks like a maze, too. Cops should have this one. Oh, and this is the pitstop.

The gay couple chooses the Sauerkraut, and they're off in a taxi (with an execrable German accent.) Meanwhile, Team Dummy is in the middle of nowhere, still in the taxi, which is bullshitting them and telling them he isn't lost. LOL Jordan says they should have done soccer. Jeff says we'd have wound up in Switzerland. The taxi has a GPS which really ain't working for them. Putting them badly behind...

The cops hit the pitstop. They won 5 grand each. Delighted now.

Steve hits the beer. Allie says how delighted he was with the challenge. The hats are still kicking. They score. Steve also does the beer, delighted. Joe and Heidi show up at sauerkraut. She says they eat it at tailgaiting. They know the hats are behind them. They inhale it well. Still Team Dummy is in middle of nowhere. Stupid cab. Poor J/J. Team Gay is slamming down sauerkraut. One of them is eating piece by piece. She says something about gag reflex rofl.

Dan and Jordan do the soccer, not badly. Team gay finishes the kraut. Off to the bar they go, happily. One of the hats has never drunk a beer in his life. This bodes well, roflol. Joe and Heidi finish the beer whilst the hats are suffering. Team Dummy has found a hamburger joint that does NOT look right. But it is. And that awful song starts, and they start eating. Team Dummy can't finish the kraut, so they're off to kick balls. Caite does a kick, and is in pain in her thighs. She's in tears. Been playing soccer forever and can't even kick.

The hats and Jet and Cord finish their beer, and so does Team Gay. Burping loudly. The hats hit the red light district and say "We're no longer in the Bible belt." ROFL Good one. Team Dummy is now kicking. They're not doing so well. Others are chugging beer. And doing better. Carol and Brandy are team 5. Looking bad for the Team Dummy :( My favorite team better NOT get eliminated.

Brent, the obligatory barf scene. Team dummy burping up sauerkraut. Team dummy finishes their beer, but they'd better hope this is a non elimination round. Brent and Caite think they've lost, but that's up for the Dummies :( NON ELIM LEG!!!!!!!!!!!

They have to face a speed bump, they're told. Not what it is. But it should be good.

On to the previews. Teams play World War 1 games. One team gets U turned, and I hear Jeff say "This is ridiculous." They better NOT U turn my Dummies lol
Aaron adds: Hopefully I will have more to add about this season of TAR next week. I am just having a hard time finding a team that stands out for me to really root for. I am just not seeing personalities like I did in seasons past. That and Jeff and Jordan get little air time.

March 5 - On writing

I submitted my novel to 5 editors. You pay an editor (dearly) to edit your work.

One of them, the one I wanted the MOST, rejected my work. :( He said I needed much work on POV: I evidently am using both third person limited AND third person omniscient, dropping in and out of each.

He also said the novel is not set into scenes with starts, middles, and ends (and characters somehow changing during those scenes.)

He could have just taken my money and done an edit.

Being he didn't, I just ordered a shitload of books on structure from Amazon, and am taking two more online classes to workshop the novel.

So Hunger won't see the light of day as soon as I had hoped. But, after much work, I'm sending it right back to this guy :)

Keep your fingers crossed that I can use 3rd person omniscient as well as I need to, and that I can fix the structure problems.

For now, back to the drawing board.

March 4: Survivor Rockin Balls

Coach is upset because Sandra called him out in Tribal. He's sensitive, he says. Oh yeah, like that's obvious. He's usually oblivious to what anyone else thinks, LOL

Jesus, Coach is in tears. Whatever next? No you're not a bad person, you're just NUTS lmao! He gets told not to wear feathers in his hair, and to keep his mouth shut. No more stories. Yeah, THAT will work for Coach. Tyson consoles him, then says they need Coach in the game for his strength. Tyson tells the rest of the tribe how upset Coach was, and that he was thinking about going home. Sobbing, he told them.
From Aaron: Welcome to the tears of fame..... Lordy

Coach talks to Rob. He tells him he feels he's on the outside. Rob says "You're not on the outside," then he gives him that manly fist. Coach says "I'm different from other people... last of the Mohicans... King Arthur, a legend." A legend in his own mind, hell yeah. Then he does his Tai Chi and says in the next challenge he's going to be quite the warrior. He DOES well in challenges, credit where credit's due.

From Aaron: Hello Coach. The nurse is here with your meds.

The Heroes get tree mail, and the beloved catalog. It's a bunch of stuff from Sears. They pick cooking gear and fishing gear, from what I could see. What, they didn't choose that hot white couch? And it's off to the challenge they all go, after a word from Amanda that she doesn't want to see them lose momentum. As long as there aren't any puzzles, the Heroes will do fine ;)
From Aaron: You can't have a white sofa when you have pets (Rupert).

And there are no puzzles. This is collect the balls from a slip and slide, and throw them in a basket. Not a tough challenge. I'd say the Heroes should polish this one right off. Halfway through the challenge, I'm proved wrong. The villains have the heroes 3-1. Not looking great for the good guys. They're all shitty shots, from what I can see. But then - the heroes catch up, on a shot from Rupert. Now they're tied, 3 to 3. Playing to 4. and the villains win from Tyson's shot. They got stuff, tarps and tools, to make a better shelter. Now the poor badguys won't sleep in the rain. What they put up looks like a tent too small for all their people, but what do I know?
From Aaron: And Colby likes to play baseball? wtf!

To Russell's horror, he finds the note about the immunity idol. But everyone ELSE saw that note, due to him dropping it. Will he find the idol easily, I wonder? All of them for sure will be searching for it. Do they all know how easily Russell found idols in the past? I don't think so. The Villains make a pact that whoever finds the Idol is gone. All or none type of thing. Like that has worked in the past. Many ways around it. And Russell will find them all, bless him. Idols and ways.

Now it gets funny. Russell is evidently off to search for the idol. He tells the villains he's going for a walk. Rob tells Sandra to follow him. Sandra is stumbling around, "Is that him over there?" And Russell is in the jungle, digging near a tree. Sandra spots him, reports back to the tribe that "Russell sealed his own fate." Rob agrees, that's what they've said. Looks bad for my Russell. HAHAHAHHA Rob calls Russell "A hobbit on crack." Say what you will about Rob, he's funnier than shit!
From Aaron: If Russel Finds out about this he will punch Rob in the knee.

For me, they're all a bunch of dummies. What I would do, if I thought Russell had that idol, would be to go through his stuff and STEAL it. Nothing in the rules says it can't be stolen. And no one would know you had it, either.

From Aaron: I think they are onto him. He is not getting he is dealing with seasoned players,
I agree, Aaron. He thinks they're all dummies. He's in for one hell of a shock, methinks, when they blindside his ass. Which they WILL, unless he finds that idol.

At the heroes tribe, they only NOW find the paper in their coffee. Telling them about the idol. The entire hero tribe takes off to look for it, individually. Tom manages to find it, and he feels he and Colby are outside the tribe, so this is a great thing for them. He sneaks it into his sock and keeps on looking. Others are looking in the exact same place.

Amanda saw Tom put it into his sock and go behind a tree. I'd go right behind him and steal it. Will she think of it? Tom is aware she saw him. So he's going to try and use it to put him and Colby into the JT alliance.

From Aaron: I was glad Tom won this. For the most part the Heroes are acting worse than the Villains.
I agree, Aaron. Heroes are acting like babies roflol

And it's time for the IC. This is the person inside a giant ball one. And the villains barely won, but they did win.
From Aaron: It really was down to the wire, but Rob is the master at puzzles.
Cirie says get rid of Tom or Colby. Strong ones have to go for her team. Candace, talking to Cirie, says split the votes between Tom and Colby. Tom plays the idol, Colby goes home. Sounds bad for my two favs. JT on the other hand wants Tom and the idol in an alliance. This should work well for Tom. Dunno about Colby. JT does NOT trust Candace.

Tom approaches Amanda and JT. Amanda sort of trusts Tom. Tom offers the idol to them. Take it and RUN, JT. I've always loved JT :) That new alliance decides Candace needs to go. Why not Cirie? She plays a better game, but she's always overlooked. I love her too. Here's hoping she stays in for a LONG time. (I should learn. EVERY time I say that. EVERY single time...)

Amanda goes right to Cirie, who freaks out when she hears about Candace. Cirie admits in an interview that Amanda isn't very bright. Hey, ya think? hehehheh As Cirie goes off to her small group, JT, unnoticed, is standing nearby. Hearing every word. JT tells Tom it ain't looking good for him right now, that Cirie is talking Amanda out of it. It's getting dark. There isn't a lot of time left for my Tom.

Last minute plan. Three votes for Cirie (Oh no!!) and 3 for Tom, who plays the idol and Cirie leaves. This isn't looking good for my girl, but she did fuck up. Should have let Candace GO in peace. JT listens to the plan and realizes he has a big decision to make. If Cirie sticks, she'll go after him sooner or later. He's right, she sure as hell will. And as much as I like Cirie, I like JT a whole hell of a lot more, I guess the idea is write Colby's name down, not Tom's. JT tells us that. So it's up to JT now, whether to play his heart (Tom) or go with the flow (Vote Colby.)

Jeff talks about alliances voting strong people out. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was trying to save his dear friend Colby. But I know better, right?

Jeff goes OFF on Rupert, for his philosophy of just keeping his word to his alliance to vote out a strong person. I don't recall Jeff ever getting this heated. He really DOES care about Colby, for true and for real.

Jeff asks Cirie if she's worried. She says yes, but others say she isn't. Colby says it will take a bold move to save me tonight. The suspense builds... And it's time to vote.

Tom plays the idol. JT should have told him about Colby. But to my amazement, people vote Tom 3 times. Now Colby has 2. Cirie has 2 votes. Cirie is voted out. YESSSSSSSS I'm happy about that, even though I love her. I love Tom/Colby more. I believe Probst's speech had its affect. He says this was the first blindside. I can't wait for the preview.

From Aaron: This is an example of an alliance with the worst communication ever. Can you hear me now????
Loud and clear. ROFLOL

Candace wants to work with Tom and Colby. Russell is still after the idol (can't believe he didn't find it.) All he has to do is find it, then KEEP ON LOOKING. Think he's wily enough to do that? I do. Someone else gets hurt. Finally Cirie says she couldn't play JT's game, she may have stepped on his toes. Ya think? ROFLOL

From Aaron: I hope Candace follows through on what we saw in the preview.

And, with that, it's the end of Cirie.

March 4: TAR horses ep

TaR
Granny eliminated. Sigh. Cowboys in first. Well done for them. I live in Nashville - folks still wear hats here, so I think nothing of it. Hey, and they were in first place, which ain't easy.

Still in Chili, the Cowboys leave first. 11 PM or so they leave, for a bus to Argentina. Then to an old saloon where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid hid out here. They must find the Gnome in the wall gang, and play a game of 5 card stud against a Travelocity gnome.

Brent and Katie, Katie is ralphing. Now his belly is hurting. He's taking them to the hospital. The other teams are heading for the bus, whilst Brent and Katie hit the ER. Team Dummy takes off, Katie still in hospital, worried they'll lose their bus. Finally they leave the hospital. Meanwhile the cops hit the computer for the address to the old saloon.

All teams are travelling to Beriloche Argentina, on two buses. Even sick Brent and Katie made it. Everyone is following the cowboys, who smartly asked in a bar where to go. They pull off the road and pretend to read a map, so all will pass them. The Wily Hats will not be outdone.

Joe and Heidi and the Wily Cowboys are playing 5 card stud against the gnome. Heidi gets the gnome, they win. The gay couple wins. The cowboys are saying the gnome has a poker face.

The roadblock is steer roping. Teams choose a roping station, they watch a demo. Then they rope a steer head with a clue, drag it to them. Meanwhile the cowboys, behind now, finally get their gnome.

Everybody is roping, and no one is succeeding, even the Cowboys. Then the cowboy shoots, he SCORES. Now he must drive to cliffs over a river, and search for the next clue. Carol succeeds next.

The cowboys make it to the detour: Horse Sense or Horse Power. In Horse Sense, teams use coordinates they pace off to find a bag of stolen money buried in the ground. The coordinates on the bag have to match those on their sheet, they deliver it to a bandit, and get their next clue.

Horse power, polo field. Moving a practice pony down the hill to make goals. The horse is fake, you have to haul it along, then mount and shoot. The cowboys manage, and are given the clue to the pitstop, a huge ranch.

Team Gay ladies are having arguments about the pacing and the shovel, so they decide to do the horses. Team Dummy selected the pacing too. They found the wrong bag. They didn't read the part where it has to match the coordinates on the paper. Wooops! They find yet another bag, but do they do the horses? Not yet lol.

Team Dummy finally succeeds, and the bandit takes off with the money. The cowboys are in first, win a 10 day trip for two to Patagonia. Oops I lied. Team Dummy still hasn't scored. The cops gave them the clue. The teams pulling the horses ain't doing it better. 9 shots and you have to start over. Loads of teams are still there, including those who gave up on the coordinate hunt.

JJ is team #5. She tells Phil she can't read his face, that it's blank. Whereupon he makes a frowny face LOL

The moms are doing terrible at the horses. Started over countless times, so they swapped to the coordinates. Brent and Katie, sick at they are, are in 7th place. Monique and Shawn got eliminated. No more moms. They went out with style though.

Previews. Hamburg Germany. Someone spills a drink in a bar, and teams are terrified at some kind of lift.

From Aaron: Ette. I missed this ep. I was busy packing the trunk if you catch my meaning. :)

Feb 26: Aaron and Ette's TAR blog #1

I'm still getting over Jordan and Jeff being #1 on the first leg. That's impossible, to my way of thinking. Like Mama Cass running a marathon, if you ask me.

Aaron adds: It was Kinda like the morning I was eating Lucky Charms and right before my eyes the leprechaun jumped off the box. Then I remembered I dropeed LSD the night before, but that is another story.

This episode starts in Chile. Heading by bus to another spot in Chile, then driving, then a boat, then climbing. It wipes me out just to type that.

Aaron adds: If you're tired after typing that. You could have iron poor blood. I would have that checked.

The Cowboys are feeling underestimated. It's a question of the hat, evidently. People who wear them are considered fools, they feel. Hello, there might be a solution to that. Take off the hats?

No salsa for you!!!

The gay chicks and Joe and Heidi make it onto an earlier bus, after having saved a spot in line, pissing people off.

Aaron adds: Looks like next week they get into a hair pulling fight. Wait, they have no hair.


Jeff and Jordan and the Cowboys have the original notion to catch a bus through somewhere else, before getting to the final destination. Everyone else has booked tickets on an amazingly slow assed bus that will get them there at eight at the next morning. Can team redneck and team dummies do better?

You should write a book. "TAR for Dummies"
1. Get a globe that isn't from pre WW2.

The cowboys figure out that Team Dummy is waiting, possibly, for a bus that will leave from another terminal, in another part of the city. Jeff and Jordan are stranded then. LOL No mas bus... No more buses leaving today. Team Dummy is well and truly stuck.

Aaron adds: They were looking for a shorter bus. A much SHORTER bus.

All teams make it to the competition. I'm looking forward to the battle of the llamas LMAO - this is one I could actually do. For once. The condor one involves sixteen foot wings and COLD water. No thanks. Cowboys up first, they go for the llamas. They had absolutely no problems. Must have been habitude with equines, or the hats that did it.

Aaron adds: The cop team are truly idiotic. Nice to know they chose the right profession.

Brent did the bird thing. Those plastic wings weren't worth a shit LOL... they hit like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile other teams are getting kicked and spat on by the llamas. Evidently the cowboys got the one decent llama.
Team Dummy picks the bird, of course. They look classy jogging off the pier... NOT lol
Aaron adds: Where is the Flying Nun when you need her. On Brothers and Sisters of course.

The cowboys make it to the farm first; no problem milking the cow, though I thought that was a bull, they went after, at first. Now THAT would have been good TV.
Aaron adds (the devil) i guess Veterinarian school was never an option for you.

Team Cowboy made it into first place, hats and all. Almost as amazing as Team Dummy making it last week.

Team Grandma, sadly, gets eliminated. Gotta love a gutsy woman like that.
Aaron adds: I know one grandma who was crossed off other grand kids Christmas card list.

Feb 25: Aaron & Ette's Survivor Blog #1

Do we have a showmance between Parvati and Russell? Boston Rob and Coach think so. Parvati trusts Russell, the poor thing.

As for Russell:
Yay. Burnette Barbie always wanted a garden gnome lover!

Russell hides the machete, a genius move. A smarter move would be if he were the man to find it. Will he think of that? Doubtless he will. This is my favorite Survivor, I have to admit. He's wily like a fox.
Then again: Nah. Genius mode is, cut Jerri's head off, hide the machete.... tell everyone you last saw Rob with it.

Can't believe he hasn't found an idol yet, unless there are none. (I just read the forum, and evidently idols come back next week. GO Russell, you ole devil.)
Did you watch the preview for next week? THe hidden idol is Adam Lambert. I think it is in Rupert's beard!

Coach does his weird yoga, or whatever it is, by the water. Then he bitches about people who do nothing.

Back at the Heros tribe, JT tells Cirie a whopper about Candace not trusting her. These things come back and bite you in the ass, JT. Or didn't you know that? If not this time, some time soon. And sure as hell, Cirie goes straight to Candace and tells her Then again, a Whopper really sounds good right now. No mayo though.
Not who said it, though.

We go straight to the challenge, and evidently the damn tribe hasn't discovered the machete is gone? What good are the Villains if they can't be villainous enough to go nuts over something like that? Or we just didn't see it. Else they're so laid back they don't give a shit.
And I was really looking forward to them losing it :( Perhaps later in the show.

The Heroes win the challenge, totally killing the Villains, who look pissed. Rightfully so. They were OWNED roflol!
Yes they were owned. The men villains were manraped. I hope condoms were used in the challenge.

I know who they vote out, looking forward to hearing the scheming.
The villains discussed who they wanted out. No big surprises there, and Randy went. Funny, the machete came up briefly at TC. And I do mean briefly. I was waiting for Jeff to mention the fire, but he didn't. I guess they can make one without it.
And then again, not really. That person was pretty much begging like a wet cat in the tub to go at the end.

Okay. I need to see if I can find the Tulip tights I buried to grow now. Wish me luck!

Feb 24: Bachelor Tell All, tells too much

Remind me why I watch this show, when I watch Tell All. Silly show.
First we see part of the Roz scandal, and Jake more or less saying "If anyone else isn't here for me, don't wait for the Rose Ceremony." I have to admit I felt badly for him, there. That would totally suck, to be the Bachelor, and some bimbo does something with a producer. Who knows what? But something. I'd feel like shit, if I were Jake. I don't like planes very much, so thank GOD I'm not Jake.

It moves on to that ridiculous Elizabeth chick. "Don't kiss me, but I'll shag you if you like." That's the impression I got. If she had made it to the Fantasy Suite deal, she'd have been all over him. Period. Don't you think? I had to laugh at him kissing her forehead, and the look on his face after. "WTF did I just do?" was plain to see. Cracked me up.

I'm skipping over the bungee jump. That was just silly.

We hear Jake's fakest of all laughs when he and Tenley both write 'Kiss me' on their fortune cookies. Don't believe me? Go replay it again, and cover his mouth with your hand. Laughter never reaches those eyes. Spooky, if you ask me.

On to Allie. "Allie left in love with me, and me with her." I cry bullshit. If he was really in love with her, he'd have stopped her from leaving by any means at all. Wouldn't he? Even if he had to take her away from the cameras and say "Listen. Technically I can't say this, because I'm supposed to be in love with several women. But you - I really do love you. Don't go." If he'd said that, you think she would have gone? Not in a million years. He just wasn't quite as invested in that relationship as she was, and the chick knew it. Smart chick. She bailed.

I have nothing to say about all the old bachelors and bachelorettes. Who cares, after all? Bunch of monkey sex going down, nuff said.

The charity work is a good thing. Of course, they could do a lot more. LOT more. Ten grand to Haiti ain't much.

Finally we get to the ladies of this season. About time. "I think she dreams in cartoons." (Vienna, talking about Tenley.) Now, THAT is funny. LOLOL All the Disney cracks, too. Goody Two Shoes bought it and paid for it tonight, I must say.

The entire Roz affair got discussed. For me, it was all bullshit. No one saw her on the stairs lying on top of the producer. Come on. WHO would be that stupid? Especially since they have nothing to do with each other now. Ya know, I'd buy it if they were together now. And CH would make damn sure that we knew they were together, if such were the case. Fleiss would love that. Of course, since it's all BS, that ain't gonna happen.

Poor Gia. Just couldn't tell him how she felt, and is now aware that's probably why she lost him. Gorgeous thing that she is, I thought for sure he'd get rid of Tenley first.

This Michele chick is nuts. Fun to watch. Wanted to kiss him, and he didn't want any. I thought it was pretty smart of ole Jake to 'kick her to the curb.' She is clueless. Totally. Emotionally unstable is the understatement. I was embarrassed for her.

On to Allie. If I hear 'forced to make this decision' one more time, I'll barf. You mean to tell me she didn't know, going in, that Facebook would only give her X number of days off?? Of course she knew. Got to hand it to her. She spoke of Vienna being trashed in the tabloids, and said "Stay strong." Probably just words out of Fleiss's mouth for the next Bachelorette BUT it was nice to hear, all the same.

Finally Roz comes out. I hear she gives CH hell, and I hope she does. LOL I notice one thing straight away. They're cutting every word out of her mouth. She says "Absolutely" and opens her mouth to say something else and... no. They cut her off. That whole thing about CH and his son. And tales of unicorns, and the truth. This man wouldn't know the truth if it bit him on the ass. Why would Roz lie? It's all over, now. Done deal. She's off the show.

Unless.

Unless there's something in her contract, where they can dock her a good amount of money for playing around, for inappropriate behavior. Something that's going to cost her, if she tells the real truth. Hey, it's possible. I've seen these contracts, and they OWN your ass. For years.

It gets more interesting. She asks why they didn't tape the funny business. She has a point. So does CH. There's a lot of downtime, and a producer would damn well know where to go to avoid cameras. On the steps, for instance. Not many camera crews hang out there, at night. So this point is a wash. Neither side wins.

We do learn that the producer came by where she lives, and even brought Dad with him. Doesn't mean diddley. CH says "A mountain of evidence." I wouldn't go that far. Girls have NEVER lied on a show like this, correct? And isn't it convenient that they waited until this show was shot to tell their tales? They have zero proof, according to CH. No video exists. Just a few witnesses, who could well be lying for their own reasons (they were told to? It was fun to invent?)

What if they ARE telling the truth? I haven't seen much discussion about that, but I don't keep up the way I should. If they're telling the truth, she could be sued by Fleiss, assumably. It could possibly get ugly for her. She could be still seeing this producer, for all we know. Or he could blame her for losing a choice job. One could add, where's there's smoke, this much smoke, there's probably fire. Something inappropriate probably happened. We may never know the whole story, but thanks to Steve, we'll know as much as her contract permits her to say. Which won't be a hell of a lot.

If she just responds to each woman's accusations, I'll be a happy camper. Especially the one where she was lying on him on the steps. And where WAS she that one night she wasn't in her bed and couldn't be found?

I for one hope she nailed the producer. He was probably cuter than Jake, had more on the ball. Could do more for her career, too. Depending on what career she chooses, of course. Jeez. I just heard her accuse CH of hitting on the producer's wife in New Zealand. Could she have any less class? I'm more inclined to believe the other girls, now. And I sure as hell believe she has a contract that will strangle her.

I'm just going to say this. Last summer, a similar earth shaking episode happened on Big Brother, and a girl was kicked out of the house. It was a whole lot of he said she said, but we had live feeds, so we knew a lot of it.

But they cut those feeds off at some vital periods, and of course we couldn't see into the Diary Room.

The girl came to me and wanted to tell her story. Oh yeah, I thought. This is going to be good. Then I wound up tangled in CBS legal, and it was no fun at ALL. I promised I would never tell all she told me, and she told me the whole thing. One little piece I'll share, as it's cropped up elsewhere.

She claims the Diary Room producers tried to convince her to have an affair with one of the other contestants. And that's still not as explosive as all I promised not to tell, and never will.

So Steve is brave, doing what he's doing. ABC Legal could WELL land on his ass like a ton of bricks. The thing to do, for future reference, and this is what I learned: if you land a huge tell all interview like that, don't say one damn word about it.

Keep your mouth shut. Do the interview, (mine was a radio interview,) and go on and publish it. They can sure as hell make you pull it (that's happened to me too) but in the meantime, the story is published everywhere else. Best you believe it will wind up being discussed ad nauseum on Jokers.

Back to Bachelor. Jake finally comes out. Very typical stuff here. Gia he's sorry he hurt. Allie was a big decision that hurt him. The bloopers were cute, including the obligatory fart one. Or two.

We review Vienna's affair with Jake, and onto Tenley's. Damned if they don't discuss her ex. I was wondering if this would the ONE show where we didn't hear about that ex. Mine was worse than hers, and you guys never heard about him, did ya? Hmmmm. I smell a future blog.

Speaking of liars. "I can definitely see Tenley in my life for the next 60 years." Sure you can. That why you chose Vienna?

Interesting show, in parts. A lot of it was the same old. I did enjoy the Roz shenanigans. Especially when she told Chris he'd gone after that producer's wife. LOL his face was priceless. They HAD to air that... contract or no contract, every woman in that room would have posted that somewhere.

Probably not before Steve did!!!

Feb 18: Bachelor all the way, Fantasy Suite time. Do they all accept?

And it's the fantasy dates.

Gia has a good date with him. They see the island, enjoy the natives. Boring date, for me. I bet Jake was bored too. She's a beautiful girl, but there's just not much there.

She takes him up on the fantasy suite, and we follow a pile of clothes to the bathtub, where they're in their bathing suits. I'd have been nude, don't know about you. That's what bubbles are for, you dummies. To hide parts!

We left them in the bathtub, and it's on to Horse Face's date. Her peeny weeny little voice irks me. Not as bad as Gia's, but it's still pretty bad lol! I can't wait to see her reaction to the fantasy suite.

They have a picnic, and I'm waiting for Yogi bear to show up. Pica nic!

She accepts the fantasy suite, and I'm really surprised (and disappointed lol) I so wanted to hear her honestly say "No, I'm not ready yet." Which would have been honest. But no, she caved like they all do. I have less respect for her now, because I know she wasn't comfortable with it.

Vienne and Jake just have a blast on the boat, kissing and laughing. The chemistry is incredible. I love them together, I know some don't. But I find them so damn cute :)

He tells her he's fallen for two other women, and her face falls. I feel for her. She can't picture herself without him, she tells him. Major awwww. Then she tells him she's in love with him. Awwww again. She's gonna jump all over the Fantasy Suite, this one. With both feet, no doubt. She may have snuck down to his room before. Wouldn't put it past her. Lmao~

And now it's time for the card. She asks him if he's a good cuddler, and tells him they need time alone. He's all excited too. He loves that she told him she's in love with him, of course. What man wouldn't? Hell, she brought lingerie. How smart was that? No one else ever thought of that. I know I'd have been in a black lace teddy, roflol.

And now it's Allie's phone call. I don't expect much. She's made the wrong choice, she says. NOW she says it? He's blown away, evidently. You've blown it Ally. Bet he says no.

It was hard saying bye, he says. You drove away with a piece of my heart. I don't know what to do. But. There's always a but. I put what I felt for you aside. He can't send one home to have her back. Allie all but begs. Her feelings are stronger. He says he's falling in love with the women that are there. He doesn't want her back. It's not a good idea, he says. Well, and who would he send home? Whoever he would have in the first place, I suppose. But now he's had the fantasy suites and all. He HAS gotten closer to the other women, this is true. Allie is a fool to have pulled this. If she felt that strongly, she should never have left. Period. Job or no damn job. Evidently she's ready to give it up now.

For me, Allie was a bitch since early on, always having something nasty to say about Vienna. Who never did nuthin that I saw, to deserve it. She's a character, Vienna. And I'm all for characters. Better that than being a bore. A lot of these chicks are flat boring, including my favorite, Gia. I just love her cause she's gorgeous, I have to admit. Spend a lifetime with her? God fordbid, LOL.

Chris's little chat. He's falling for all 3 women, bla blah blah. Nothing new there. I don't know why they do these talks. We learn nada. He does say he's in love with Vienna. He's connected with all 3 women, in love with each of them, he says. Now he has to send one home. He doesn't know which woman he'd pick, if he had to pick one.

Now he's looking at videos. Horse face is up first. She looks forward to travelling the world and having babies, in that order. Hell to drag a baby to Europe, it is! I bet he gives her the boot tonight. And now Gia, with that annoying voice. Every second shared we grow. Hard for me to open with. I'm falling in love with you, she says. Wants more time. GO Gia! She's my fav.

And now Vienna. Long tough journey. Want to wake up next to you. Completely in love with you. You're everything to me.

OMG he gave Tenley a rose. There goes my Gia :( Oh hell. That blows. I know he'll give one to Vienna... and yes, he did.

He has a little talk with Gia. DUMMY. Got rid of the best chick. By far. She's battling past tears. He developed stronger feelings for the other two women. She hasn't been open, she says. Not enough time, she says. She wasn't able to give him what he needed. But two other great girls. Gia is one more class act. Jake regrets this already, I'm sure.


He never saw Gia cry until tonight, and it broke his heart. Fool. Should have dumped Tenley. I wonder why he didn't?
And the previews. Tears from Jake. Tears from Vienna. He must tell Horse Face there wasn't physical chemistry there, yet he let gia go??

Why do we watch such crap? We're into love. Into romance. And it doesn't matter to me how it happens, even on a reality show. It's possible, several couples are either married or getting married. So it can happen.

I'd just like to see a Bachelor in his forties or fifties, so I could get on the damn thing. It looks like a blast to do, as long as you keep on getting the roses. And even if you don't, you get to do some hella neat things, see some great places. And have FUN.

For me, it's all about the love, all about the fun. He had neat dates on that island, this week. Beautiful place, and how romantic was that? VERY. And that's what I'm into.

Finally, a shout out to Reality Steve. We had an absolute KILLER chat last week. He is wonderful, in my not so humble opinion. He also has some great sources, let it be said. He's been right on the money all season, everything he's said. How much fun is he to have on the phone? Muchly, for sure. We'll do that again, for sure.

Feb 11: More Porky's dirt!

So, I used to play poker with Porky, the hair dresser, and Gabe Kaplan (welcome back kotter, remember?) He was a dirty boy, was Gabe. I had heard bad rumors. So when he invited a young (and I do mean young - she was only 17 at the time) friend of mine named Diane to come to his house - I was worried.

Diane was a young virgin, beautiful with long black hair, huge black eyes. Knew how to use makeup, too. Wore bright red lipstick, it went well with her coloring.

When she told me she was going to dinner with Gabe - at Gabe's place - I told her it was a bad idea. I didn't believe in spreading gossip, so I didn't tell her why. In retrospect, I probably should have!

She got to his beautiful house, and he ushered her into the living room where they had some red wine (even though she was too young, and he knew it.

Soon, he went into the bathroom. When he came out, he was stark naked and in a diaper. He started talking baby talk to her, and held up a big paddle. Wanted her to beat him on the ass with it.

What she beat was feet. This was pre cell phone days, so she ran down the street and found a phone to call me. I was living in Fort Lauderdale, so it took me forty minutes to get down to Miami where he lived. She was only a few blocks away. I cruised the house - nice house. Kinky dude, though. Underage girl, too. She'd never been exposed (excuse the pun) to anything remotely like that.

Diane was a majorette like me (I think. Memory is failing me here. She might have been a cheerleader, but it seems to me she was in that shower scene.)

Another friend of mine, Donna, who was in the shower scene (the blond in the photos!) used her Porky's money to get herself fake tits. My agency handled her after Porky's, and man did she have a rack.

She flew out of town, and when she flew back, she called me, panicked. One of her tits had slipped down on the flight home. She now looked like a unicorn. I so laughed! She had to go back for another operation. I'd been considering getting mine done, but NEVER after that.

One final Porky's tale. One of the sheriff's men was a really good friend of mine, a Seminole indian. I won't name him here, we'll call him Jack. Jack was also the alligator wrangler for all those gator scenes. Jack used to get really drunk and pull these stunts... he was a stuntman.

One night, during the Porky's shoot, he called me from a bar. I could hear sirens in the background. He was drunk as cootie brown, and he just had to call and tell me what he'd done. He got in a big fight in that bar, started the fight. Threw chairs, broke tables. Had a fine old time. Got out when he heard the sirens, but only went to the pay phone out front. There he calmly stood, talking to me, whilst they were looking for him inside!

Feb 8: All bachelor, the dreaded Family visit. Vienna's dad is a trip lol

Family visit episode. Oh boy. Is this going to fun or what?

Tyler talks about the journey. How wonderful it's been. Watch out, wrecks ahead, ole boy!

New York is the first stop. Gia can see herself permanently with him. Well no shit, they all can!

He feels like he's falling for her too. Awwww. I think I just barfed in my mouth. Yes, I like Gia. But do they all have to say the same shit all the time? He's nervous about meeting her family. Well, who wouldn't be? Way he sounds, he's gonna grill them. She talks about a bad relationship who boffed all her friends. No doubt she has baggage. But don't we all?

He says he's looking forward to meeting her family, after that tidbit of news. But there's no smile on his face. At all. Not too good a sign. Maybe it was because she basically said if they had a fight, she'd ditch him? He turned around and said something deep. "I don't like to let the sun go down on a fight." Myself, I figure the night is the best time to get over a fight.

And it's family time at Gia's house. The mom looks just like Gia, long straight hair and all. She's gonna grill the fuck out of him. Woooooooie! Oh nice, the four women thing comes up. Gia has a way about her. Great thing to say, Los.. er Ty. Silly bastard.

She keeps talking about her wall, which is a bad thing. Time to let it down before you lose a rose, wench.

Mom liked him. Wants him to heal her heart. Kind of cute, I have to admit.

He says he's not jealous, but extremely protective. One thing is close to the other, I say.

Gia feels like it went great, and Ty thinks so too. Gia uses the L word. Stupid line of the night. Have you been kissed on a stoop? Say no, and I don't want to start now. LMAO!

With Ali, we had to meet Dead Grandma first. Is this what you want to subject the guy to, straight away?? I don't think so lolol

Her family seems nice enough. Her mom and the whole physical beauty thing is great. I like Mom. She's a cool person. That fake smile of Jake's though, means he's not invested this so much. Too bad Ali didn't see that smile. Mom would accept him for a son in law, she tells Ali. Man, my mom wouldn't, after that smile. My mom could always nail a fake smile. Can your mom do the same?

What on EARTH could happen to push Ali away? According to all the spoilers I've heard, she doesn't get a rose on purpose. I don't get it.

Now he's at Horse Face's place (IE, Tenley.) This is one unattractive woman, LMAO. Here she goes dancing. Talking about her ex again, never a wise thing to do. But yes she can dance. How pretty a thing for her to do :) I loved that part of it.

Now he's going to really find out if she's over the ex. He might not want to know this lol!

Jake talks to Dad. The first dad he's dealt with. Wonder how he'll do? Is this where he learns she ain't over the ex? Jake pops that big fake smile again. He's not impressed by Dad, for sure. Although dad seems to be impressed by him. Bless Dad's heart, he's in tears. That must be so hard for him, some bastard treats your baby like that. Go Dad! Hope she doesn't wind up with Jake, Dad.

Now he asks mom about the ex. Emotional spillovers for a while, Mom says. If anyone could be fine, it would be Horse Face? Seriously that might not have been the thing to say. Jake is going to ask for her hand in marriage. I don't feel like he should do this, unless he's serious about it. Don't do it at all, for any of the women, I think.

Dad gives Jake a good, wise answer. I like Dad.

Now it's Vienna's turn, stunner that she is. She's not everybody's taste, for sure. I find her stunning. :)

She says she's never felt like this before, to Dad. This might not be what Dad wants to hear so soon, LOLOL Ole Vincent is a trip. He doesn't like the four other girls thing. He gives the princess rap. I'm not so sure I like this Dad. Sort of a redneck. Which isn't a good thing, to have a redneck for a dad in law LOL

Jake says she's brutally honest. Good thing. Go V! He's now talking about how ugly the other women were, and Mom says she's been that way all her life with jealousy. She too says she's falling for Jake. And it's evident he cares for her. No fake smiles here!

And he's back in LA, not ready for the rose ceremony. I'm eaten alive by curiosity at this point. Knock on his door. And it's Ali. Here we go. Whatever it is, it's finally going to happen. She has to choose between staying there and going back to work. Well, Jesus. Jake doesn't know what to say. What she's asking is real, you jerk. Either let her go or keep her, for real. It isn't rocket science. I think he's letting her go. He's being sneaky about it. I get 'sneaky' from all this.

And she really has to make that choice. He sure as hell didn't tell her 'stay.' Which sucks for her. The rest of what we're going to see out of Jake is all acting. He's in love with Vienna, period, the way I see it. He doesn't LIKE losing one of his harem, but this isn't killing him. At all.

It =is= killing Ali, for sure. She needs to lose Fake Jake, and go her way. He and Vienna are a match, period.

And this is gonna be SUCH a good rose ceremony LOL! I love a bit of angst with my Bachelor. Now it's time for the talk with Chris. Jake is really acting rather well. He doesn't want her to go, he says. If it was really the love of his life, he wouldn't let her go. I'm falling in love with more than one woman, that's horseshit. Jake admits it will pressure him. Quite a burden on the poor thing. Thanks for quitting your job but you're not the one, he says. So throw her out NOW big boy. And I bet that's just what he does.

This has been the MOST Drama, short of ditching your f2 for your f1.

Ali goes to talk to Chris, and we break for a commercial. Smart Ali is gonna back out at the last moment. Jake could have stopped her, and she full well knows that he didn't. He sure didn't.

You're beautiful. You're handsome. That's how they start. And she's mad at herself, for coming there not knowing. I'd be pissed at the job. She still thinks she has a shot at Jake. We know better.

Jake does tell her I don't want you to go. And about kissing her, asks her how she felt. She says 3 other girls. He says you need to weigh that. Shitty answer, for me. When she saw the other girls, she realized she had to go. "If you were mine, the choice would be easy." Good thing for her to say, and I can't blame her. She should have known about this job thing going in, the dumb shit. From HER side, this is ignorant and a stupid thing to pull. You weren't on the line tonight, he tells her. Which meant she'd have gotten a rose tonight, anyway. He told her that much.

I feel if she was the one, he could have said a hell of a lot more.

Ali has made her decision. She tells him she has to go, and she's so sorry. Stupid thing in one sense, but I'd have pulled out too, faced with that same choice. He didn't say "Definitely stay." Or anything remotely near that.

"I feel like you're slipping through my fingers and I don't know how to stop you." Tell her you love her, or let her go. My best friend Lyds says she's too good for him. I don't think that - Ali is catty as hell. I think she's smart enough to git whilst the gitting's good.

She bawls, "I hope I made the right choice." We all know you did, sweetie. We all know you did. I feel so sorry for her.

As Lyds says, he kept the one he meant to get rid of, which IS a sad thing for that girl, not killer sad for him. He is excited about the three remaining women. We know he's lying to one of them. Wonder which one? We'll know next week when he ditches one.

Meanwhile, Ali is saying "How could I have left him." I feel two ways: A) you're a DUMMY. You think you're falling in love, you go on a show like Bachelor, you see it out. DUMMY. B) You're smart. He could have tried to stop you, but he really didn't, did he?

One little "I'm falling in love with you" would have done it. She didn't get that, did she?

My main feeling is that she's smart. She did the best thing she could have, granted in a circumstance SHE set up (she had to know about the job going into the thing.) Jake could have said a lot more to ensure she'd stay.

Feb 2 - My life: First kiss

When I was 15, I went to Chateauroux, France, on an exchange program. I had two French brothers who came to stay with me that summer.

I met a friend of theirs, Bernard Pelasse, and it was love at first sight. He was six foot four to my five four. I could rest my chin comfortably on his muscled chest, and he could set his chin easily on the top of my head.

He had the deepest brown eyes, straight, longish brown hair, and a huge dimple to the left of that beautiful mouth. He was irresistible. I was totally a virgin - had never even been kissed.

We met on the Jour Du Roi festival - Day of the King. I danced with him several times that day. God, but they were (and are) so into disco! I had to learn to dance that way in a hurry too.

The next weekend, we went back to a disco we had visited the weekend before (in the USA, at that time, you had to be 18 to get into a club. Not in France!) This time, Bernard came with us.

They played a slow song, and he took me into his arms. We really didn't dance - just sort of rocked back and forth. And suddenly it happened.

He took my chin in his big hand, angled it upward, and laid his lips gently on mine.

The world spun around me, and I almost couldn't control a gasp. I was being kissed, by a romantic Frenchman, in France - for the first time!

He kissed the edges of my lips, my upper lip, my lower lip - and then he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I went frantic with not knowing what to do. My best friend Marne was sitting on one of the couches, but I couldn't just stop and ask her.

I gently rubbed his tongue with my own, and hoped I was doing it right. Meanwhile, my pulse was going wild. I could hear my heart in my ears, even over the music. And it just kept getting better. He slipped his other hand down my back to my ass, and gave it a gentle squeeze. I ran my hands into that thick, warm, brown hair. I also played lightly with his ears. I was in such heaven. So many firsts.

The next day, my French Maman took Dany (my French brother,) Bernard, and I shopping. She left Bernard and I in the back of the car. As if the night before hadn't happened, it took him forever to put his arm around me. Inch by inch it slid toward my left shoulder - and finally he held me clasped to him tightly. I could feel his heart beating madly. I know my own was.

Then he leaned over and rubbed his lips gently on mine. This time he nibbled on them, and I felt a strange heat in the depths of my belly. I ran my tongue over his teeth, and he inhaled deeply. "I love how you smell," he told me in French. He spoke no English.

"I love how you taste," I returned, breathing rapidly.

"What perfume do you wear?" He asked.

"Charley," I responded. I would wear it for years, because of this moment. I had to tell him. "You smell divine too." And he did. A musky, lemony scent - all male. I forget what he said it was.

He went for one last kiss, and Maman and Dany came back to the car, laden with bags. All Maman said was "Sois gentil avec Cathy." (Be nice to Cathy.) Bernard grinned and blushed.

We then drove to his father's patisserie - bakery. They wrapped me up something divine in white paper and red ribbon. I sat in the car and ate that apple tart, and thought about my first boyfriend. Would I ever see him after I left France? He didn't have an American sister, so he wouldn't be coming to the States.

I never saw him again, but I never forgot him, either. You never do, your first love.

Feb 2 - Bachelor all the way: Why does Allie leave next week?

So, Allie leaves next week? Will we really miss her, and all her bitching? I'm guessing not, myself.

So, Jason and Molly are getting married. Dumb, and dumber, a televised event, no less. Have they lost their minds? This was no great romance. This was him settling for something he wasn't sure he wanted. He knew he didn't want Melissa, so he settled for #2, Molly. That's just my take. This whole wedding thing is probably for the bucks. More power to them. Will they televise the divorce, too? I feel sorry for the kid in all this. Has anyone even thought of him?

Reality Steve says Allie will be the next Bachelorette. I disagree. That's Gia's role, for sure. They have her set up for it, like they set up every bache'ette. She's much prettier than the last one. Usually they choose the pretty ones. She's also much prettier than Allie will ever be. She has a decent personality, of which we haven't seen enough. Maybe we'll see more on the hometown dates.

Man, Allie's family must really be pissers if she's leaving the show after that date. That's my sense of things. That date went SO damn bad, throw in Vienna, she's out of there.

What could have happened on that date? Was Dad an asshole? Was Jake? I don't really see Jake disrespecting someone's parents, but it could have happened. A little ugly to Mom? He'd be out of there for me, for sure. I'd tell him to stuff that rose where the sun don't shine, wouldn't you?

Windymama on JU asked for hypotheses as to why Allie leaves. I will summarize some of those here, as they're pretty damn good.

Bean99 thinks it's work related, OR she's realized she doesn't care about him that much. Bean doesn't think Vienna has anything to do with it. I think Bean is wrong. Vienna is for sure involved. "I wouldn't want to be with a guy that wants to be with her" is the way Allie is thinking. And even if I don't agree with the sentiment regarding Vienna, I DO agree her not wanting Jake if he is really into someone I regard as a total doofus, if not worse.

I agree with lizanne. Allie realized the girls who put down Vienna are now gone, so she told him she's 'put it behind her' just to save face. Hell, she's put nothing behind her, and why should she? What if she knows a whole lot more about Vienna than we do? Vienna hasn't been given a bad edit. It's quite possible (indeed probable) we haven't seen what Allie has. I'd LOVE to know what she really has against Vienna. And, when she bails next week, she just might tell Jake. "I am going, but I want you to know exactly why. Any man who wants any part of Vienna, is not a man I am going to love. And now, let me tell you exactly what I have seen..." Oh yes, that plays. And plays well.

RealityChic says she decides, after the hometown date, that Jake doesn't fit into her life and then she ditches him to go back to work. I don't buy that, I just don't. She'd have known that before now. And until now, she's crazy about him. No, he insulted Mom or Dad. Something truly terrible had to happen on that date. The only reason I don't totally buy this either, is that Fleiss would have hyped the shit out of the hometown date, if something bad did happen.

KayMayxoxo puts it the best way: I'd have more respect for (girls who think Jake being into Vienna is a bad thing,) if they didn't keep accepting his rose. Allie, this means you. Bitch bitch bitch about Vienna, but then keep accepting that rose... that's just wrong. Maybe she's finally come to her senses next week, and rejects the rose before it's offered. I still want to know exactly what Vienna has done to make Allie feel this strongly, if this is what made her quit, don't you? Like ElvisandMe says, those girls in that house are all competing for the same man. Terrible source for information, wouldn't you think?

I'll leave you with the funniest thing I've seen: Jake having a girlfriend, the entire time. Doing it just 'for the money.' If you buy that, I have some nice beach front property I'd like to sell you here, in Nashville. He might be a lot of things, but he sure as hell doesn't have another girlfriend - he truly doesn't have the smarts to pull something like that off.

Answer me this: do you guys really think Jake is smart enough to have another girlfriend -and- deal with all these other women?

January 26 - Bach:Two for the price of one, out the door

This week was entertaining indeed. We had a two on one date as well as a one on one. The two on one usually means one poor chick heads for the hills.

This week, he selected Ella and Kathryn for the two one. Of course Ella is the mom, he met the kid already in a previous one on one. I didn't feel much of a spark there, and evidently, neither did Jake. He turned her loose. I think he knew he was gonna send Ella home before the date. Just a feeling I get

But wait! For 19.95... oops. Wrong blog.

Wait. He also let Kathryn go. And that wasn't really surprising either. He DID sort of ignore her during the date, and all previous dates. Not to mention, she gave him a load of shit. What man wants to hear he has a 'wall' up? He kept telling her she's gorgeous, she just didn't respond. Dummy. Hell, I didn't know who she was, before tonight. My memory isn't known for being the best, but Jeez. I feel like I know most of these women by now.

While I'm on the subject, if they were going to make Jake do the scene (throw the rose into the fire) multiple times, they might well have taken the OTHER roses out of the fire. I saw roses in the fire. Play it back, you'll see for yourself.

Except Corrie. Don't know her either.

Now, the two he let go, I didn't really know, either, I have to admit. The blonde, Ash, I felt I knew better than Jessie. Ash's number was up when he said he didn't feel the chemistry with her.

He's being very careful about who he picks and chooses, no shit at all. If he can't picture a woman as his wife, she's gone. No two ways about it.

Gia, I was happy to see (she's my fav) got the one on one. I'm glad she didn't get a one on one prior to this... earlier one on ones are notoriously fucked. See Ella and the date at the park.

Once again, Vienna was the center of not so good attention from the other girls. Jessie made the fatal mistake of telling Jake that Vienna crashed Daddy's car, and did he want to be the next daddy? He promptly let HER go. In past Bachelors, the one who rats out the unliked girl is often the one to go. Don't they watch the freaking show to KNOW that and keep their yaps shut.

My opinion on Vienna? A) they're jealous of her. She gets more Jake time than anyone. B) she's really hot, and they're like a pair of magnets together. Their body language is very telling. All of him angles toward her, and vice versa, during their time together. He's hot for her, bitches. Give it up.

And Ali, pay close attention to _. She said bad things about Vienna and where is she now? GONESVILLE is where.

I think he's really into Tenly, or Elevenly, or what's her name anyway. Again, body language. He's just worried about the ex. I don't blame him there: the cop that done her wrong. She could well still harbor feelings for him. Jake is a lot of things, but he ain't a dummy. Especially when she tells him she hasn't dated since. That ain't a red flag: it's a whole red bedspread. But. She DID get the rose on that group date. Ignore her, my ass LOL!

Back to Vienna. When they spoke together (I had to watch it twice to get beyond the body language), he tells her she eggs the other women on. Not dumb, at all. Evidently she's playful, and the other women don't get that.

January 22 Bach: How will it end? Who gets that last rose, if anyone?

Roz scandal redux

Matt Grant, London Calling - remember him? How cute he was?

He's just done an interview where he admits HE fell for a producer but 'it was nipped in the bud.' Now they didn't get thrown off the show. You mean to tell me on our season, Roz who fell for the producer... they couldn't have nipped THAT in the bud too?

Sure they could. Makes better ratings the way it is though, dontcha think?

Matt goes on to say they kept THEM apart on purpose. Now they couldn't have done that for Roz? I just don't get it. I feel so sorry for her, especially since this Matt thing has come out.

RV Rental Whooie!

So a group date takes an RV for a week. Or the WHOLE group, sounds like. And complete with noises to make "Grown men blush," This should be HOT. Sort of like Big Brother on wheels. Now all we need are the web cams. Wouldn't that be killer? Watching Bach 24/7 on the web as they RV down through Mexico? (Not that that's where they're going, just a guess on my part.)

Come on, producers, let us see allllllllll

Best guess - Jake goes home alone or with a love at the end?

For me, I'm thinking he doesn't pick anybody. He was INTO roz. I think that broke his heart when she left, and I'm not sure anyone else can pick it back up again. Tho rumor has it, he winds up with Vienna (Who, personally, I do like. I just wonder. If there's smoke (about her being disliked) is there fire? What do you think? Comment away.

Jim says Jake will indeed leave with his one true love... himself. LOL Good comment!

Cantgetenough says something interesting. Something will go wrong, she thinks. Possibly the person he picks doesn't accept. Now wouldn't THAT be kewl? Him down on one knee, and her "Get your ass up. The answer is, and always will be, no! LOSAH.

The most popular response was made by Sassy: Here's the rose, let's see where it goes. Nowhere.

Many people agreed with that one. So the rumor of Vienna could be wrong? Could Steve possibly be off on this one? He hasn't missed too many in the past, credit where credit's due. So I'm with Steve. He winds up with Vienna, engaged. Even if only for one damn day roflol

So, what do you think?

January 22 Mykonos, a blow torch and robbery

I had a new boyfriend in Iran, a friend of Marne's named Steve Costas. Steve was Greek but had been raised in America. He was delighted to come visit me in Iran. He was six feet two inches, dark hair and huge dark eyes. He wore his hair so short it was like it was shaved.

It was after we brought the car back that Steve arrived, so the city was under martial law. I took him to the bazaar and we got chased out of it. Again, one of the nasty mullahs led a crowd throwing rotten fruit.

Steve and I were lovers. It was difficult, staying with mom and dad, to find a place to make love. We finally decided on the roof, at about midnight. Might not have been our best idea. A truck drove up with a huge gun, and whenever Steve's white ass (he was tanned black, except that ass) went up in the air, the gun followed. The Iranians had some fun that night. I have to admit, I thought it was pretty funny too. I don't know how Steve didn't hear the huge gun moving, as it creaked and swayed, but he didn't. Once I told him, he was horrified and we went back downstairs and inside. Wuss!

Steve went back to the States, where he was going to Emory College with Marne, who was in law school by then. Steve dropped me a letter and told me he needed my help with a project, that it could be dangerous, and was I in? Of course I was, I told him. I was back and forth between Paris and Isfahan at the time. He wanted me to spend the summer in Greece, and I agreed. Had I known what he had in mind... I might not have agreed so quickly.

Steve told me a sad tale.

"You know my dad owns most of Mykonos."

This, I knew.

"He and my mom live for the most part in Athens, or they did. They've been together thirty years now, and nothing like this has ever happened. Cathy, my dad rents a jewelry shop on Mykonos to this bitch. They're having an affair. He spends most of his time on Mykonos these days, and it's driving my poor mother crazy."

"I'm so sorry. Mid life crisis, maybe?" I guessed.

"Whatever it is, we have to do something to break it up, or I don't know what will happen to Mom. We have to come up with something good." He looked so upset, those large brown puppy dog eyes. What was I to do?

"Well, I do have one idea. We drug the bitch, and get some gigolo to hump her. Then we take photos, and show them to your father."

This was a great idea, but there was a snag. I had no idea where to get drugs in Paris, and neither did Steve. I flew back to New York, and for once, it was totally dry.

My brother, who dealt drugs, knew just what we needed. Knock out drops, that any bartender would know how to get. Except the ones we asked, evidently. We came up perfectly dry.

It was time for Plan B.

I was in Paris at the time. We would take a train to Brindisi, in Italy, and then the ferry to Patras, in Greece. All went well until my passport was stolen.

I as usual had very little cash. I had traveler's checks, but couldn't use them on the train with no passport. I needed cigarettes. Steve made me give him a blow job in the bathroom for a pack of cigarettes. I never forgave him for that. If I'd had any sense, I'd have backed out of the whole thing right then and there. But no. I felt sorry for Sophia Costas.

I got off the train in Rome, and went to our embassy. I was able to replace the passport in one day.

We needed another idea. This one was far fetched, even for me. We would rob the woman's shop, sell all her jewelry and break her that way. Steve and his mom loved this idea. Dad owned most of Mykonos, so if we got caught, nothing would happen.

So we visited Mykonos to scope it out. Tiny village, with white washed streets that they cleaned every day. Entire village was white, except for the bright flowers people kept in window boxes. We stayed in a hotel on the hill overlooking Mykonos, and it was gorgeous.

Steve took me to the jewelry shop. It was small, with one tiny window covered by wood, over steel bars.

"How are we supposed to get in that window?" I asked him.

"I have no idea, do you?" He responded.

"I know one thing. What makes you think I'm going through that window, if we do get it open?" I was furious.

"Well, it's evident you'll have to do it, and let me in."

"And what if you run, and leave me in there? Oh no, come up with a better idea."

"Could we use acid to cut through the bars, and a blow torch for the wood?" It was all I could come up with. A more hare brained scheme was never thought of.

"Sure we can. I'll ask for acid at the boat yard, the strongest they have." He spoke fluent Greek, of course. He got the acid, and we bought a blow torch.

Then we practiced on the hotel balcony. It cleaned up the iron bars nicely, but certainly didn't eat through them or the wood that went along the top of the gate at the side of the balcony. The blow torch did nothing at all. But it was very loud.

"I'm not standing in the middle of Mykonos at three a.m. with this damn thing going off," I told him.

"No, we can't do that," he agreed.

"This isn't going to work," I told him.

"What are we going to tell Mama?" He wondered.

I told Mrs. Costas there was no way to get into that little shop. The acid didn't work. The blow torch we bought didn't work. Now, if she had keys - but she didn't. So the great Mykonos Escapade was a wash.

Except. She wouldn't let me leave until we fucked up this woman, somehow. To feed us, she made one casserole of food every three days, and only turned on the air conditioner at night. If I'd known all this before, I would have understood Mr. Costas better.

And the woman looked like a spider. She was short, squat, and had a black mustache. From what I'd seen, the jewelry shop woman was beautiful. Olive skinned, huge dark eyes. No wonder Mr. Costas had an affair with her.

I'd walk the streets of Athens, and with what little cash I had I'd buy baklava and live on it. Finally I used a dictionary, called the operator, and called Mom collect in Iran. (Try this in Greece, when you know very little Greek.) I told the operator to say Catherine P was calling collect. Catherine P was an old code we had. If I was ever in trouble, I was to say Catherine P was calling, and they'd get me the hell out of there.

I told her I was with Steve's mom (who was sitting right there.) Mom picked up on the Catherine P, and called back two days later to say Dad was sick and they needed me straight away. She sent me a ticket and I got the hell out of there. Never saw Steve again.

January 21 - Bach: What's up with Vienna? Could it be gas?

What is up with Vienna?

We're given to believe none of the women like her. Okay, why? Does she fart a lot? What could the reason be, after all? If we believe the spoilers, she's F1. So ole Jake picked a farter for a wife. Imagine!

JokerJake compares Bach to Survivor. Vienna is the target everyone is trying to get out. Yes, but why? She's not the best looking one there, or the brightest.

Susie opens a whole new can of worms. There are lots of unanswered questions, not just "Why is Vienna hated." Important questions about Jake. Does he want kids quickly or later? He really didn't say, when he was with thing and her son (yeah, I'm great on names.) Is Jake open to relocating? Who knows? As a pilot, I don't imagine that matters much to him. Just fly wherever you want. Hey, does he have his own plane? Was that little thing he flew, his? That could be a vital question, and answer the one about relo. He truly wouldn't care where he lived, if he had his own plane.

I'm more interested in Jake's family. We don't hear much about them. Does he love his mama? What is she like?
Is Jake open to relocating? Who knows? As a pilot, I don't imagine that matters much to him. Just fly wherever you want. Hey, does he have his own plane? Was that little thing he flew, his? That could be a vital question, and answer the one about relo. He truly wouldn't care where he lived, if he had his own plane.

I'm more interested in Jake's family. We don't hear much about them. Does he love his mama? What is she like?

Hey, I'm loving that he got rid of Kissless Liz. Anyone else? Kiss me, don't kiss me... I'm one scary bitch, don't come near me LOLOL. I was just glad she is GONE. It's called overplaying your hand, to the max. Either she should have stayed with the no kissing thing, and no backing down, pussyfooting around... OR she should have said, "You know what? This kissless idea seemed like a good one at the time. But it's driving me crazy now," and then planted a HUGE one on him, one where your hair stands straight up along with everything else.

Things you won't hear on the next ep of Bach

1) Your legs are too long!

2) Your boobs are too big!

3) You're just too damn honest, I can't take it anymore.

4) The real reason all the girls hate Vienna is cause she's gorgeous and funny

5) The real reason Liz left, is she finally decided to put out (all the way out) and Jake didn't want any!

6) It's time to play a hole of golf! (LOLOL)

7) See ya, Tenley (that girl is there to stay)

8) Well hey Liz! How is your day going? (Can we say gone?)

9) Can we put a couple of marshmallows on those roses at the end? At least get some USE out of them. Waste not, want not.

10) Vienna, honey, step away from the fire. It isn't good for farters :)

January 20 - Tough Personal Memory, if you can't handle abuse, skip this one please.

I told you yesterday I'd tell you the story behind my brother, so here goes. We're 13 years apart, for starters.

So when I was 4, he was 17. Bastard.

A few years ago, I was having issues with my fibro, and my ex, so I went back to my shrink. Memories began to surface. Memories about me being four, and my brother, and a giant finger being where no finger should ever be, at that age. I remember the nubby bedspread, the overhead light - and another guy who was there, some friend of his. We were playing some 'game.' And all I can tell you is that it HURT, badly.

When I was thirteen, I went to the gyno, and found out I wasn't a virgin. I always wondered why. Now I know why. What causes people to do such things? Especially to a little sister? I don't know. I do know he also robbed my piggy bank, when I was just a kid... Mom told me that one.

He's the black sheep of the family. He's dealt dope (might still, for all I know.) Faked my dad's name on a loan application for a school loan. They came after Dad on that one.

It's the finger that gets me, that wakes me up in the wee hours. I remember the pain, the confusion. Especially the confusion. Why was I going through this pain? Had I been bad? Did I deserve it somehow? It seemed I did, because he told me "If you go to mom, I'll just tell her you were bad. She'll believe me."

About 7 years ago, when this memory started bubbling up, my mom had broken her neck and was bed bound. I had moved back home to take care of them. I told them about the 'finger.' My mom promptly called my brother and asked him about it. He was horrified of course, and of course he didn't do it.

She believed him. My Dad didn't. My dad knew what he was capable of. And dad told me that two weeks before Mom passed, she admitted what my brother was, and that she believed me. Yes, it really helps to straighten all this out in my mind.

I've mostly gotten past it, altho I realize there is more to the memory. And I want to retrieve it ALL. I want to know everything that happened to me, from the finger on down the line. I don't feel like I can live a peaceful life until I do. I'm considering being hypnotized. That would bring back all the memories, I do hope and pray. Until I remember it, how can I deal with it? My shrink agrees, by the way.

And if my brother happens to read this blog some day? Don't insult me by telling me it never happened. It happened. I remember everything about it. The size of your finger. The pain of it. Oh yes, and the 'pain game.' That one went like this:

Who could pull the other person's finger, and cause more pain? I was 4, you were 17. You do the math. Bet I hurt you a lot, didn't I?

I've gotten past all this. I've forgiven you, but I haven't forgotten. A simple "I'm sorry" would go a long way to heal me. I know I'll never get that, and you know what? That's okay, too. I know what happened, and now a bunch of other people do, too. Oh, and it's in my book coming out. If just one person reads it, remembers a finger in their own life, and gets help for it - my job is done.